JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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