no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
