Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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