You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
