you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize