we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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