I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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