Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
