I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
