I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
