it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we should paint friendship bongs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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