you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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