So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
