I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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