Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
