This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
