I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
barbara walters just said penis...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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