I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
