We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
