I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
