I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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