in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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