who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
