remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
