tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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