I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
