are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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