Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
