I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
