hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize