I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
