It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
