Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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