3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
