I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
