If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
