i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
