Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
