This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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