and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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