I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
