I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
