3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
