I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
