Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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