I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
