Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
