I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
