in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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