Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
