Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
