I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize