I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
