living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
