Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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