Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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