if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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