i just had sex bonerless
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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