just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have demons in me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Farmville is her only friend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
