just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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