Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
