In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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