i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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