I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
