I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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