tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
