I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
