Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize