I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize