I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
