i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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