Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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