her vagine was all disorganized.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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