I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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