they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dignity is for republicans.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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