Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
