I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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