Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
