Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So vagazzling was a success
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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